My Heart Is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones

Author:Stephen Graham Jones [Jones, Stephen Graham]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9781982137632
Google: jGI7EAAAQBAJ
Amazon: 1982137630
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2021-08-29T23:00:00+00:00

SLASHER 101

Okay, before we talk Red Herrings in the slasher even though it's official turkey season not fish season, first, it's ALWAYS slasher season, as there's plenty of Blood Rage around the dinner table of Home Sweet Home, especially from the ThanksKilling turkey itself, but second, HELLO, MR. HOLMES! I never thought I'd miss 7th period I mean. And since I've already done my time, this time I can just say it out right that cutting the fingers off my VERY FAKE glove, or, it was a real glove but not my fingers inside just green slime aka nightmare fuel aka Freddy blood, I should really get a science award for that, not suspension. Ever heard of a senior prank? I'm a senior. That was my prank. And it's not my fault Tiff did her big faint routine and broke her phone. Probably it was broke already and she just wanted someone to blame for it.

Enter me, sir. I always did it. And her mom already bought her a new and better phone anyway.

But nevermind all that. Something's fishy here, isn't it? It's the Red Herring in the slasher movie. The origin of this is how when you're running from dogs that are trailing you by smell you can put a dead fish on your trail and that like blows the dogs' noses up pretty much. For Agatha Christie the Red Herring was the person all signs and clues SAID was doing all that killing, but really that's just Mrs. Christie being a magician and shaking this hand so you don't watch the other one.

Wes Craven does the same magic trick in A Nightmare on Elm Street, where Rod is the obvious killer to all the cops and parents. At least until Freddy kills him, which is usually the way it goes for stinky fish on the trail. And what's weird is that for the 1st time in slasher history ever probably, in Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, which is part V, meaning "5," halfway to "X," Jason Voorhees HIMSELF is kind of the Red Herring. Everyone thinks the killer is him, when surprise, it's far less exciting. Even Randy in Scream SAYS he himself is the obvious right suspect for Casey Becker and Steve, his tastes all being in the horror aisle of the video store, but this is AFTER Billy and Stu have already fake set Billy up into Red Herringhood.

What to notice here is the magic trick happening before your eyes, sir. Agatha or Wes are just shaking this hand around to distract your nose if you were a dog, but it's all so this real and actual blood soaked party can creep past into non-suspicionhood. And while sometimes the way they be fair is to say "LOOK, he's doing all of this, can't you see?" we've been burned so many times by exactly this that we know that can't be true, so we keep on looking the other way.

What the slasher does I mean is

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